Thanks for this, Phil…I have become a listener and can silently sit with those in need… I’ve been there. Your words have resonated here with so many…look at all the likes! Appreciate your wisdom and kindness for all who grieve here! Much love and gratefulness sweet man! 🥰❤️
Some day I will share Bob Nelson’s conversion story, at age 36, at a Ford Philpot Revival in London Kentucky. After the word spread, he was invited to Sunday dinner by his grandmother who lived in a Kentucky holler, by herself & her Bible. As they sat to eat, she asked him to tell his conversion story. Then she gave the blessing & thanked God for answering her prayers for the Nelson men - for 62 years. Bob then reported that, one-by-one, he picked them all off. First his dad & then his uncles, all the living Nelson men.
So what did a grandmother in a Kentucky holler have as her gifts? Unceasing prayers and her Bible, meets the Great Commission in my opinion.
Like I wrote, you described a temporary funk. We all need rest. Blessings, Phil
Thank you, for this post. I've learned through life that listening with a sympathetic ear is the best thing to do in times of grieving and praying with that person, even if it's over the phone.
Thanks for reading, Monica … I agree that listening is the best when someone’s hurting. It was what I needed those first few days as I rambled in disbelief. I realized weeks later… the ones who listened, never said a word… they helped me the most. Thanks for reminding us all how important it is to just sit, just listen. Appreciate you, dear friend! Hugs! ❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗
I have no words except I understand....I lost Tim on May 7, 2021. And I think about him every single day. You are not alone, Joan. I try to keep him in my life by writing about him, playing his music, and being a champion of getting a colonoscopy which would have saved him. Please care for yourself... Jim would want that. HUGE HUGS...now from Missouri. 😘
And what a wonderful job you do sharing Tim with us…almost every post! What a tribute to your love and what a great man he was. ❤️Thanks for reading, understanding, my dear friend. Means so much from another on this path! So much Love and hugs to you, Susan! 🥰😘🤗
This happens to me every February. Even if I forget, it floats up from my subconscious. The weirdest part is that it happened Leap Day 2000, so the feeling is even more untethered.
It does…floats up and we must honor it. Twenty four years for you, dear Lorraine… grief never goes away. Thanks for sharing that, for understanding, for reminding me he’s always with me. ❤️🥰 Much love to you! 🤗
Happy 813 to them! A wonderful date to celebrate their love! 💕💕Thank you for this, my dearest friend, for knowing how much it meant to me that we had the kids, tickling them in the big bed when all woke up those mornings. They still remember and i am so grateful for that. 🥰
Bless you for this comment full of love, Cherie! I’m so glad you’re back after time with precious little boy blue! 💙😊💙Thank you for caring…so much love and admiration for the sweet soul you are! ❤️🥰🤗😘
Dear Joan, I just looked in the refrigerator, feeling a bit better this morning, pulled the almond milk out that John bought me from the grocery and noticed he had put a chocolate almond milk behind it. I cried. I have been such a pain lately. The emergency surgery, now sick again. And he bought me chocolate milk and I didn't know. I cried reading this and I wish I could hug you, but instead I called him and told him I loved him. "I take you for granted." I know your heart because I feel it in my mom's heart missing my dad. I feel every emotion in your writing and I am often alone too, with John being a longtime business owner (and I had mine), and musician, eating those grilled cheeses, choosing the comfort. I've often said, "I'd make a great widow," which is not a very nice thing to say. I don't want that and I must do better. Reading your heart makes me want to do better. You are doing great. The ebb and flow of life. The sunrise is coming. I just wrote my August piece for Lighthouse, somewhere in there, this past Saturday about that. Thank you for pouring your heart out during this difficult time of year. love you a ton, deb oxox
Love this… do not take him for granted! Tell John you love him every chance you get! Jim and I left love notes on the counter each morning…who ever left for work first. We emailed quick love yous somedays too. Thank you for caring, for reading me and getting me, dearest Deb! Today’s the day and I’m so blessed to have all these comments, so much love right here! The sunrise was beautiful …and so was your piece for Alexander! 😉🙌👏 I am good today… I needed to ramble and you all listened…how beautiful is that! Love you bunches! 🥰❤️😍
Grief never ends. And you're right -- grief means there was great love. The note from your husband is so beautiful.
Regarding eating fast food, you are human. So many of us indulge in comfort food when depressed, anxious and/or grief-stricken. Truth be told, there is no "right" way to grieve.
I am so sorry that your wonderful husband is gone and that you endured such a devastating loss.
While I haven't experienced a spouse's death, August is a tough month for me, as my aunt -- who was truly a mom to me -- passed away on August 18 about 7 years ago. Though time has passed, I still find myself crying and grief-stricken. It never ends.
I can feel them, Beth! Thank you so much for caring, for letting me off the comfort food thing! 😂 Our grief floats up unexpectedly at times and I think it’s okay to just cry… we need to honor it and dwell in the sadness …which gets us back to so many moments and memories with our loved ones. Appreciate your friendship, dear Beth… much love to you as you get through this weekend. 🥰❤️🤗
Joan, please know that our hearts are with you especially if we have special difficult months to get through. It’s okay. For me it’s June when I mother passed a long time ago. Our June begins happy with our granddaughter’s birthday and then ends with sad and happy memories with my mother. My husband and I have discussed what if x goes first? It’s too hard to conceive. Hugs to you💕Joan💕.
Thank you my dearest friend… for caring and knowing what it’s like. I’m glad you have happy memories of your mom to hold and grandkids keep us upbeat for sure! Love and hugs back to you, Diane… appreciate you so very much. 🥰❤️🤗
Joan, you wrote everything I'm feeling about August. I used to LOVE the summer, but since Steven died on 8/25/2021 I am no longer a fan (pun sort of intended). Too much unstructured time with my son, camp ends ridiculously early and there's still 3.5 more weeks until school starts. I feel paralyzed by indecision, so we've been sitting in our apartment most of the time. Too much mom guilt, and the heaviness of grief. How can Steven be gone for almost 3 years? Wtf have I been doing with. my life since he died? The grief feels like it's compounded rather than dissipated. You are not alone dear one. 🥰❤️🥰❤️
You’re being too hard on yourself, dear Amy! You’re living and loving life but right now, grief is floating up because it’s august and it hurts. I will keep you in my heart in the coming weeks. Enjoy these last weeks with your boy… he feels it too, needs you. Thank you for your kind words earlier… for caring. I care about you too-one of my favorite friends! let the tears come, allow blue days in. It will help. Wishing I could hug you right now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Love you! 🥰🥰🤗
Joan, thank you for sharing your pain and your strength. If you are doubting the strength part, stop. You are strong or you wouldn't be here sharing your heart and heartache with us. I was married for 22 years. I lost my husband in Sept of 2010, closing in on 14 years without him. Those words still amaze me. I have survived, and changed in ways that make me feel that I'd be unrecognizable to him now. There are days that I laugh and am filled with great joy. And there are days when I do not.
You are right, you will get back to all those old ways, and choose some new ones also. There is no timeline, no rules. Just breathe, and take each day forward as a day to remember love and as a day to look forward to the skies clearing.
Feel free to DM me if you want to. I'm here, we're all here. And we're all just walking each other home. Sending you hugs! 💞💞
Someone used the phrase widow warrior and to me that means we can and will survive. No sitting in sorrow too long, we were equipped to carry on without realizing until we had to! We rose up and found our way through. That’s when the joy and happy times emerge… even with the sad is tucked in our hearts. Walking each other home… that’s what we do on Substack! I love this community of support and understanding. Thank you so much for reading and replying here, dear Nancy. I am sorry for your loss, I am proud of you growing and becoming who you are today. Much love and many hugs…so nice to find you here! ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
Thank you for such an honest and human post, Joan. We humans are such a mix of emotion, such a collection of memory, sadness, joy, levity and your words remind me that everyone has a story. We have our own story but we share common elements. Your hard month is August. Mine is October. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Be gentle with yourself and the calendar page will eventually flip to September.
We are not alone here on Substack…there are so many who care about each other. I will think of you when October comes, Gracie. Thank you for reading, understanding and caring, my sweet friend. Much love and so many hugs for you! 🥰❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Joan, thanks for an honest, and no doubt difficult, share here. Many years ago, my younger brother died in a car crash. He, living in PA where we grew up, and I in Tallahassee where I still reside, getting a flight up and back was on the fly! The owner of the company where I worked said something that offered a different perspective. “Remember, funerals are celebrations of the living.” Today “celebrations of life” is the common label. I’m not certain either is a perfect balance for both the living and the dead. Your post and all the replies by followers/friends are invaluable.
I an sorry you lost your brother so tragically, Gary. I like “celebrating
the life” of those who’ve passed. We called it a memorial when Jim died. Now I try to celebrate him in the pieces I write. Your last sentence rings so very true… have you read these comments… those that needed a nudge to let it all out, share so much from broken hearts. I am waiting to reply to them without tears. If my post can help others find relief, encouragement, hope and how to soldier on… I’m grateful to have these years of wisdom, learning to live again to share. Thank you for reading, for caring, sweet man! 🥰Appreciate you so much. 🤗🤗
Joan—I lost my partner to cancer March 10, 2014. The anniversaries don’t wreck me anymore. They did up until recently. I married a friend we worked with in 2017. He’s my companion. Bill helped me save myself after Lisa died. I had many other losses at at the same time. There were many years when I didn’t think I’d make it. I did, and while we never get over it, nor would we want to paraphrasing Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I believe we grow around it.
On April 30, we had to put our 5-year-old cat Spotty, rescued off the street in Antigua, Guatemala in 2019, to rest after she was suddenly diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. I am completely devastated and will be for a long time. She was my child. Every loss brings up new ones.
All to say, I’m with you and understand. Sending you so much love. 💔
Dear Paula…I am so sorry about your Spotty…I know how close we can be our pets… being devastated for a long time makes my cry for you. And you lost your first Partner…I get it, I understand. I can feel your hurting, the sadness of dates and memories that float up around thise times. Thank you for sharing this with me… please know my heart is with you, I wish you peace and joy again soon. Thank you for reading me, for caring, means a lot to me. Much love to you as well! Take care and be gentle with yourself, sweet friend! 🤗🙏💜
Everything I learned about grief was taught to me in Chaplain Training.
Grief is like a fingerprint, unique to the individual.
Refrain from books that tell us about stages of grief, or their duration.
Never tell a grieving person that you know exactly how they feel…even if their story matches your own story.
Be a listener 80%+
When it is time to speak, ask for permission to pray for all of the issues the grieving person described.
It is not the time to tell your story, you are a listener and a prayer-lifter.
Some Chaplains have found that the opportunity to volunteer and listen/pray redirects the matters they focus upon & they can serve others.
May God gently lead you to the path out of the current funk.
Blessings, Phil
Thanks for this, Phil…I have become a listener and can silently sit with those in need… I’ve been there. Your words have resonated here with so many…look at all the likes! Appreciate your wisdom and kindness for all who grieve here! Much love and gratefulness sweet man! 🥰❤️
Some day I will share Bob Nelson’s conversion story, at age 36, at a Ford Philpot Revival in London Kentucky. After the word spread, he was invited to Sunday dinner by his grandmother who lived in a Kentucky holler, by herself & her Bible. As they sat to eat, she asked him to tell his conversion story. Then she gave the blessing & thanked God for answering her prayers for the Nelson men - for 62 years. Bob then reported that, one-by-one, he picked them all off. First his dad & then his uncles, all the living Nelson men.
So what did a grandmother in a Kentucky holler have as her gifts? Unceasing prayers and her Bible, meets the Great Commission in my opinion.
Like I wrote, you described a temporary funk. We all need rest. Blessings, Phil
Thank you, Phil. “Grief is like a fingerprint, unique to each individual.” Yes. So much wisdom here.🙏
Great advice, Phil
Thank you, for this post. I've learned through life that listening with a sympathetic ear is the best thing to do in times of grieving and praying with that person, even if it's over the phone.
Thanks for reading, Monica … I agree that listening is the best when someone’s hurting. It was what I needed those first few days as I rambled in disbelief. I realized weeks later… the ones who listened, never said a word… they helped me the most. Thanks for reminding us all how important it is to just sit, just listen. Appreciate you, dear friend! Hugs! ❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗
Nice, thank you Phil ✨🙏💜🤗
I have no words except I understand....I lost Tim on May 7, 2021. And I think about him every single day. You are not alone, Joan. I try to keep him in my life by writing about him, playing his music, and being a champion of getting a colonoscopy which would have saved him. Please care for yourself... Jim would want that. HUGE HUGS...now from Missouri. 😘
And what a wonderful job you do sharing Tim with us…almost every post! What a tribute to your love and what a great man he was. ❤️Thanks for reading, understanding, my dear friend. Means so much from another on this path! So much Love and hugs to you, Susan! 🥰😘🤗
This happens to me every February. Even if I forget, it floats up from my subconscious. The weirdest part is that it happened Leap Day 2000, so the feeling is even more untethered.
God bless. Your angel is watching over you. 🥰
It does…floats up and we must honor it. Twenty four years for you, dear Lorraine… grief never goes away. Thanks for sharing that, for understanding, for reminding me he’s always with me. ❤️🥰 Much love to you! 🤗
Happy 813 to them! A wonderful date to celebrate their love! 💕💕Thank you for this, my dearest friend, for knowing how much it meant to me that we had the kids, tickling them in the big bed when all woke up those mornings. They still remember and i am so grateful for that. 🥰
Bless you for this comment full of love, Cherie! I’m so glad you’re back after time with precious little boy blue! 💙😊💙Thank you for caring…so much love and admiration for the sweet soul you are! ❤️🥰🤗😘
Dear Joan, I just looked in the refrigerator, feeling a bit better this morning, pulled the almond milk out that John bought me from the grocery and noticed he had put a chocolate almond milk behind it. I cried. I have been such a pain lately. The emergency surgery, now sick again. And he bought me chocolate milk and I didn't know. I cried reading this and I wish I could hug you, but instead I called him and told him I loved him. "I take you for granted." I know your heart because I feel it in my mom's heart missing my dad. I feel every emotion in your writing and I am often alone too, with John being a longtime business owner (and I had mine), and musician, eating those grilled cheeses, choosing the comfort. I've often said, "I'd make a great widow," which is not a very nice thing to say. I don't want that and I must do better. Reading your heart makes me want to do better. You are doing great. The ebb and flow of life. The sunrise is coming. I just wrote my August piece for Lighthouse, somewhere in there, this past Saturday about that. Thank you for pouring your heart out during this difficult time of year. love you a ton, deb oxox
Love this… do not take him for granted! Tell John you love him every chance you get! Jim and I left love notes on the counter each morning…who ever left for work first. We emailed quick love yous somedays too. Thank you for caring, for reading me and getting me, dearest Deb! Today’s the day and I’m so blessed to have all these comments, so much love right here! The sunrise was beautiful …and so was your piece for Alexander! 😉🙌👏 I am good today… I needed to ramble and you all listened…how beautiful is that! Love you bunches! 🥰❤️😍
"...but instead I called him and told him I loved him. "I take you for granted."" Good call friend! May we all learn from you!
Hi Joan,
Grief never ends. And you're right -- grief means there was great love. The note from your husband is so beautiful.
Regarding eating fast food, you are human. So many of us indulge in comfort food when depressed, anxious and/or grief-stricken. Truth be told, there is no "right" way to grieve.
I am so sorry that your wonderful husband is gone and that you endured such a devastating loss.
While I haven't experienced a spouse's death, August is a tough month for me, as my aunt -- who was truly a mom to me -- passed away on August 18 about 7 years ago. Though time has passed, I still find myself crying and grief-stricken. It never ends.
I'm sending you love and virtual hugs, dear Joan.
I can feel them, Beth! Thank you so much for caring, for letting me off the comfort food thing! 😂 Our grief floats up unexpectedly at times and I think it’s okay to just cry… we need to honor it and dwell in the sadness …which gets us back to so many moments and memories with our loved ones. Appreciate your friendship, dear Beth… much love to you as you get through this weekend. 🥰❤️🤗
Joan, please know that our hearts are with you especially if we have special difficult months to get through. It’s okay. For me it’s June when I mother passed a long time ago. Our June begins happy with our granddaughter’s birthday and then ends with sad and happy memories with my mother. My husband and I have discussed what if x goes first? It’s too hard to conceive. Hugs to you💕Joan💕.
Thank you my dearest friend… for caring and knowing what it’s like. I’m glad you have happy memories of your mom to hold and grandkids keep us upbeat for sure! Love and hugs back to you, Diane… appreciate you so very much. 🥰❤️🤗
Love & hugs back, Joan 💕
Oxox. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your heart and hurt and Hope!
Thanks, Ginger…my sweet friend. Appreciate you reading and caring! 🥰🤗
Sending you much love and a hug ❤️
Thank you Ilona…I can feel it! 🥰
I feel you!
Thank you for sharing.
Not an easy journey.🙏🏼
Thank you, Marissa… appreciate you reading and caring. 😍😅
Joan, you wrote everything I'm feeling about August. I used to LOVE the summer, but since Steven died on 8/25/2021 I am no longer a fan (pun sort of intended). Too much unstructured time with my son, camp ends ridiculously early and there's still 3.5 more weeks until school starts. I feel paralyzed by indecision, so we've been sitting in our apartment most of the time. Too much mom guilt, and the heaviness of grief. How can Steven be gone for almost 3 years? Wtf have I been doing with. my life since he died? The grief feels like it's compounded rather than dissipated. You are not alone dear one. 🥰❤️🥰❤️
You’re being too hard on yourself, dear Amy! You’re living and loving life but right now, grief is floating up because it’s august and it hurts. I will keep you in my heart in the coming weeks. Enjoy these last weeks with your boy… he feels it too, needs you. Thank you for your kind words earlier… for caring. I care about you too-one of my favorite friends! let the tears come, allow blue days in. It will help. Wishing I could hug you right now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Love you! 🥰🥰🤗
Joan, thank you for sharing your pain and your strength. If you are doubting the strength part, stop. You are strong or you wouldn't be here sharing your heart and heartache with us. I was married for 22 years. I lost my husband in Sept of 2010, closing in on 14 years without him. Those words still amaze me. I have survived, and changed in ways that make me feel that I'd be unrecognizable to him now. There are days that I laugh and am filled with great joy. And there are days when I do not.
You are right, you will get back to all those old ways, and choose some new ones also. There is no timeline, no rules. Just breathe, and take each day forward as a day to remember love and as a day to look forward to the skies clearing.
Feel free to DM me if you want to. I'm here, we're all here. And we're all just walking each other home. Sending you hugs! 💞💞
Someone used the phrase widow warrior and to me that means we can and will survive. No sitting in sorrow too long, we were equipped to carry on without realizing until we had to! We rose up and found our way through. That’s when the joy and happy times emerge… even with the sad is tucked in our hearts. Walking each other home… that’s what we do on Substack! I love this community of support and understanding. Thank you so much for reading and replying here, dear Nancy. I am sorry for your loss, I am proud of you growing and becoming who you are today. Much love and many hugs…so nice to find you here! ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
Thank you for such an honest and human post, Joan. We humans are such a mix of emotion, such a collection of memory, sadness, joy, levity and your words remind me that everyone has a story. We have our own story but we share common elements. Your hard month is August. Mine is October. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Be gentle with yourself and the calendar page will eventually flip to September.
We are not alone here on Substack…there are so many who care about each other. I will think of you when October comes, Gracie. Thank you for reading, understanding and caring, my sweet friend. Much love and so many hugs for you! 🥰❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Sending love and hugs to you. I am listening too 💜
Thank you Simone…I feel them! 🥰 Hugs back to you for reading, for caring, my sweet friend! 🤗🤗🤗
Joan, thanks for an honest, and no doubt difficult, share here. Many years ago, my younger brother died in a car crash. He, living in PA where we grew up, and I in Tallahassee where I still reside, getting a flight up and back was on the fly! The owner of the company where I worked said something that offered a different perspective. “Remember, funerals are celebrations of the living.” Today “celebrations of life” is the common label. I’m not certain either is a perfect balance for both the living and the dead. Your post and all the replies by followers/friends are invaluable.
I an sorry you lost your brother so tragically, Gary. I like “celebrating
the life” of those who’ve passed. We called it a memorial when Jim died. Now I try to celebrate him in the pieces I write. Your last sentence rings so very true… have you read these comments… those that needed a nudge to let it all out, share so much from broken hearts. I am waiting to reply to them without tears. If my post can help others find relief, encouragement, hope and how to soldier on… I’m grateful to have these years of wisdom, learning to live again to share. Thank you for reading, for caring, sweet man! 🥰Appreciate you so much. 🤗🤗
Joan—I lost my partner to cancer March 10, 2014. The anniversaries don’t wreck me anymore. They did up until recently. I married a friend we worked with in 2017. He’s my companion. Bill helped me save myself after Lisa died. I had many other losses at at the same time. There were many years when I didn’t think I’d make it. I did, and while we never get over it, nor would we want to paraphrasing Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I believe we grow around it.
On April 30, we had to put our 5-year-old cat Spotty, rescued off the street in Antigua, Guatemala in 2019, to rest after she was suddenly diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. I am completely devastated and will be for a long time. She was my child. Every loss brings up new ones.
All to say, I’m with you and understand. Sending you so much love. 💔
Dear Paula…I am so sorry about your Spotty…I know how close we can be our pets… being devastated for a long time makes my cry for you. And you lost your first Partner…I get it, I understand. I can feel your hurting, the sadness of dates and memories that float up around thise times. Thank you for sharing this with me… please know my heart is with you, I wish you peace and joy again soon. Thank you for reading me, for caring, means a lot to me. Much love to you as well! Take care and be gentle with yourself, sweet friend! 🤗🙏💜